I went out into the yard this afternoon and danced. It felt so good to dance. All by myself, with the trees and the lizards, and headphones. Again, if the neighbors could see me, they'd probably think I was crazy. But there's something about dancing that fills up a hole that I have somewhere. There isn't alot of space in our little apartment in Oregon City for dancing, and even if there was, I doubt that our downstairs neighbor would appreciate it. I have missed dancing. Not choreographing, not performing, not rehearsing, but just dancing for the sole purpose of movement. With dance I can let go of stress, I can find my emotions, and I am able to stop planning my every step and allow myself to be moved by the music and by my emotions. The song I was dancing to says "how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?" and I dance to it when I feel like I need God to move me, because I don't know where to go. I know it sounds crazy, and I'm getting a little weird on y'all, but bear with me. Honestly, when I have space to dance I feel like I can do anything. I don't mean to sound calloused, and moving here would cause me to miss my family and the people who are close to me so very, very much, but I know that I would be able to make it. God has given me an amazing coping mechanism, and I am so thankful for it. I still have no idea where we are going to end up, but I am relieved by the reassurance that I will be in God's presence anywhere I am, and as long as I am with Him, and I allow myself to be moved by Him, things will be ok.
Am I supposed to get all that out of five minutes of flailing around in the backyard? I don't know, but hey, whatever works, right? Anyway, I don't know if this is really blog worthy...it doesn't do much to give you a picture of our life here in Texas, but it applies to the struggle that we have been having. I don't know if I am closer to an answer...I may actually be further from one, but I am at peace with that.
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